It’s funny that when I feel sad, I don’t want my friends to know it anymore, because I don’t feel like I can trust them with that. Anytime I say anything about feeling bad, being sad, feeling ugly, stupid, or anything like that, they’d roll their eyes on me and tell me to stop it.
I don’t quite get it. What do you mean by “stop it”? Do you think I’m looking for attention? Do you perhaps think I don’t actually feel that way and am just saying that because I want to be noticed? Or because I want you to say “oh, of course you’re not!” or “don’t be sad, we love you!”? Do you really, really think it’s that?!
Because it’s not. When I say something, I mean it. I have this thing for true, I can’t help being honest all the time. So when I say I feel in a certain way, it’s because I really do, not because I want you to baby me. I’m actually older than many of you, I don’t want to be babied! I just want you to know how I’m feeling, because I think I need a friend, and because maybe you can help me to feel better. But that’s not going to happen if you give me a stern look and tell me to “just stop it”.
Please, do comprehend. I am sad. I’m not seeking for attention, I’m not being “too dramatic”. I’m just not okay, and if you were truly my friends, you’d understand it and try to help me with my sadness. Actually, this is one of the main reasons why I’ve been feeling so bad lately - I don’t think I have any friends, and I hate it. As long as I like you guys, I long for the day when I won’t have to face you everyday anymore and will have a whole new class full of new people to know and new friends to make (some of them might actually be nice to me!).
Ugh. I’m sad for so many things. I could post them here, but you know what makes me even sadder?
No one cares.
WHY DON’T I EVER CHANGE???
Well, maybe I’m just like this and there’s nothing I can do, that’s just who I am…